I am at a point in my life in the trans community where I feel worn out, burned out, zonked out, over-loaded, run down, and just plain annoyed with all the bullshit that comes with heavy involvement with social networking websites! For 5 or 6 months, I have been bringing up very controversial subjects, and they have REALLY pissed people off! But I shared these subjects in the hopes that someone out there in the World Wide Web would benefit from some of the things I say or write about. I appreciate the (few) people that DO support me and DO benefit from what I write. Those are the people I want to think about and cherish.
However, it can be hard to do that when my personal life ain’t so great, my parents are lacking in their support of my transition, and the HATERS that wanna have online flame wars with me! I’m really exhausted, and I know I’m gonna get shit for this, but I am so tired of being the only one in front of the firing squad, “taking the bullet” for the people who may share similar experiences as me, who may have strong and controversial opinions like me, but, for one reason or another, aren’t putting themselves out there as boldly and as intensely as I am. I’m an intense and bold person, and I want to be helpful. But the insults, high school drama bullshit, and angry replies to my writings have stressed me out, and made me feel physically ill!
I feel like all these months of being controversial with my writings have been two-fold. 1. A conscious effort to be helpful. 2. A sub-conscious way of figuring out more about myself by writing it down. I’ve become more stable in who I am as a person, and I feel like I need to make trans things less of a focus of my life. There is more to me than that. I really want to take a break from social networking, and explore other interests. (if I can tear myself away from the ‘net!) I am making a physical transition, and plan to even get bottom surgery in a few years, and I think that once those things are done, and I have made blogs/videos of my recovery process, I won’t have anything more to talk about regarding being trans. I’ll just want to live a quiet and content life.
I feel like I want to retire eventually from my heavy involvement with blogging, being in groups, and making videos. Perhaps every now and then, when some epiphany arises, I’ll blog about it, or upload a video, but I really, REALLY need to explore other interests for the sake of my well-being! Negativity, insults, and haters can really wear on me… they can really wear on a lot of people! My brain needs a vacation from things that are trans-related, and it needs a vacation like NOW!
Skye83 